Ingenue Mom

Dear Isis,  Mommy made a mistake today. A bad parenting choice. One that made you and mommy both very upset. And although we had a conversation about it and I explained why I was wrong, I don't think you fully understood. But what I hope that you do understand is that I am honest and open with you about my mistakes. I recognize them. I own them. I confess them. I ask forgiveness for them. Maybe not right away, but thankfully we serve an amazing, loving and forgiving God who is also very able to guide us in wisdom to our bad choices so that we can seek change. He doesn't let me go very long before He points out my bad choices. I am thankful for that. I wish I could tell you that I will always be the perfect example to look to for life choices. But the truth is that some of my life choices will be more of an example of what not to do. I will not hide those choices from you and one day we will discuss the choices, both good and bad, in my past. I pray that it helps you disc...

Because I didn't capture any pics of my Fearless Friday escapades, here's a cute pic of my 2 ballerinas from Halloween on Wednesday! Isis was Angelina Ballerina, but she refused to wear the ears or the tail.   I read a post on Rookie Mom about how we should observe Fearless Fridays. Her blog is for rookie moms, which I am now not one anymore, but I am embarking on a new stage of motherhood with 2 kids. You can be as prepared as possible & adding a child to the mix is still going to throw you for a loop. So I think it'll be fun to try to do something each week that scares me in terms of motherhood! I may not always do it on Friday, but I'll post about it on Friday. This week my Fearless Friday activity happened on Thursday. During the day, I took Lux out for our first shopping trip alone to Target & then we met a couple of women for lunch. I was nervous about both, only because you never know if your child is going to cry throughout the shopping trip ...

I love people's Wordless Wednesday posts. And I would like to start doing it. But today when I was picking out a picture to start, the one I kept coming back to was this one. And honestly, it needs some words to explain why it sticks out to me. Pictures by Sara Corman Photography I love my birth pictures . Like really love them. I will cherish looking back at those and remembering that day and that pain and that joy and those tears. It was an amazing day. The thing that is so interesting to me is that something about the way they look makes the whole experience seem so quiet and so peaceful. Maybe it's the black and white, maybe it's the fact that she somehow caught every beautiful moment and when I look, even though I was there and I experienced it, I don't see the fear and the wave of up and down that was going through me in those hours. But this picture says more. In this moment, you can't tell, but I was screaming. Literally at the top of my lun...

Today was a little rough. With newborns, I feel like your whole life revolves around eating, sleeping and pooping, and if one of those goes wrong one day, things feel a little out of control. But with my new decision to focus on the things I am loving at this point, I decided to sit down and focus.    First of all, I made a list of things I'm loving right now... I'm loving when Lux snuggles her face as close into my neck as it can get and then lets out this little sigh. I'm loving when Isis asks to hold her sister and then tells me, "mom, she's really special." I'm loving the me-time I get on good nap days! I'm loving the fact that Lux sleeps really well at night. (We've had 2 different 5+ hour stretches this week!) I'm loving the moments when Lew and I look at each other and just laugh or smile or shrug because we're sharing this experience and although we get tired and frustrated, we do it together.   Then, I spe...

Maternity pictures by Sara Corman Photography   I am laying in bed, trying to take a nap, and I can't stop thinking about what is coming soon. With Isis, I didn't start dilating until I was 37 weeks. I went from 1 cm to almost 4 cm in 2 1/2 weeks and Isis was born 3 days early. This time, I was having lots of strong Braxton Hicks contractions from 23 weeks or so on, so when I got to 35 weeks and was feeling a lot of pressure in my bottom all the time, I asked to be checked. I was already 1 cm at that point. I am now 38weeks and 3 days. I'm at a full 4 cm and 100% effaced. I've decided that with baby #3, I will not be checked until I hit my due date - if I get that far. Because clearly it doesn't mean anything and it just gives me anxiety to sit here thinking that things could get started at any moment, but they don't. It's also interesting this time because it's a second birth. I had Isis with no medical interventions, no IV, no medication, et...

My husband pays attention to my blog. He bought me one of the necklaces I mentioned ! I love it!!! I hope your Mother's Day is wonderful and that you get time to celebrate your mother and to be celebrated for everything you may do as a mother! In honor of mothers, here are a couple of mother-related posts that I've enjoyed lately: Really, TIME Magazine from The Planet Pink, Breastfeeding is a big deal from The Mommyhood Memos, Cheering on MOMS from Life Wrapped in Pink

I have a couple of friends who are pregnant for the first time and I was having a conversation with one the other day. I realized that half the stuff I was talking about, I had posted about on here at one point. I decided to put together a little go-to list. The thing to keep in mind with all of it is that this is all from my experience and my experience. That'll look different for everyone, but I took from other mom's experiences & perspectives to piece together what worked for me, so take what works for you & leave the rest! Pregnancy Baby Stuff I Can't Live Without (while you're registering!) My Top 10 Pregnancy Tips Isis' Big Debut (Birth Story) General Info & Baby Sleep Books Parenting Books Coming Home What's Been Surprising (then I thought of one more )   The Hard Stuff (a post written in the middle of my baby blues weeks) 5 Ways to Calm Those Baby Fears New Mom Tips I did a New Mom Tips series with guest posts from other bloggers Pos...

Dear Isis, You are changing and growing so much lately! In the last few months, you have grown 3+ inches and you've grown even more than that if I measured attitude and personality in inches and pounds! You are so like me and your daddy. Independent, feisty, opinionated, but also sweet, sensitive and caring. You are apprehensive at first around new people, choosing to sit back and wait before joining in on the fun. This is more me than your dad. You're developing such a little attitude about things. You have opinions now on what thing you wear and what things you want to do. You are becoming more and more independent as each day goes on. We recently had to let you cry again at night because we had let you get into a routine over the holidays (due to all our life changes) of crying at night and us coming in to comfort you. When it got up to about 4-6 times a night, we decided we needed to do something. We let you cry without coming in one night. It only took one night thi...

Picture Source: Avenue D Photography This Mother's Day I told Lewis I wanted to go on a date. We are going this weekend! But the other thing I asked for was that we would give some money to help Adriel at The Mommyhood Memos make some Birth Kits! Every minute a woman dies of complications related to pregnancy and childbirth.  Ninety-nine percent of these deaths occur in developing nations.  For every woman who dies in childbirth, another 30 women incur injuries and infections, which are often preventable. (Source: World Health Organization .) Adriel lives in Australia and works with YWAM Medical Ships . They provide a variety of medical services to those in need in Papua New Guinea. This year, Adriel has started a campaign called Bloggers for Birth Kits. In rural Papua New Guinea, 1 in 7 women die in childbirth. Birth Kits can really help reduce these risks. Please go to Adriel's blog to read more about this.  As soon as Adriel emailed me about this, I knew...

I went to a bridal shower today for my friend Angie. I am so excited for her & had so much fun watching her unwrap her gifts & plan for her new life with her husband! It's such a fun time & it's my second bridal shower in the last couple of weeks, so it's just that time of year! But of course it had me thinking about Isis & the future & the fact that she's growing up so fast & one day - not so very long from now she will be sitting there opening gifts & planning for her bright, beautiful future. But then I stopped. I am so bad about constantly thinking about the future - planning, worrying - or thinking about the past - reminiscing, mourning. I am such a thinker & such a planner & it can be a great thing when you're meal planning or thinking about savings & retirement. But at the same time, it can be to my detriment when what I really need to do is just be here . Now . So that's what I'm focusing on this week. I...

I don't post about my specific teaching experiences on my blog. I don't believe in doing that. I'm very aware that my blogging is public - any parent, teacher, principal in my life could easily find my blog - and I'm not ashamed of that. They could also look at my Facebook if they wanted to, although some would have a hard time finding it. I live my life out loud. If there's something I'd need to hide, I just don't do it -  not because of my job as much as just because that's who I am. This is why I'm okay with writing this post, knowing full well that it could be read by parents, teachers or principals in my life. I believe I will make a great teacher. One of the reasons I believe this is because I'm a mom. Obviously I don't believe that teachers who aren't moms aren't great teachers, but for me personally, becoming a mom has had a profound impact on what kind of teacher I will be. For one, after reading Kelle's post today ab...

Today is a hard day for me, for some reason. I know we've all been there. I've struggled with doubt and insecurity for as long as I can remember. I made it through adolescence and high school only by the grace of God and some wonderful friends He placed in my life. I sincerely believe that without them, I wouldn't be here today. I was that kind of teenager. Not the really rebellious one, but the insecure, self-destructive one. I believe in God and I believe in Satan. You may not agree and that's okay. I'm writing this for me,  not for you. But both have been very real in my life. Today is one of those days where I feel under attack. I wanted to just curl up in a ball & have a little pity party for myself this morning while Isis took her nap, but oddly enough, I read a status update by Queenie from The Planet Pink on Facebook and it hit me hard. I'm sure she didn't even realize that her words would be speaking to me. In my life, that's how God has wo...

Continuing with my thoughts about parenting on purpose, I've decided to make some changes in my life! For one, I need to start exercising. I hate exercising. I hate almost everything about it. I don't like taking the time to do it. I don't think it's fun. I don't like going to the gym and feeling self-conscious. I just really don't like it. Exercising was also not something that was cultivated in me throughout my life. Lewis, on the other hand, has been working out regularly since he was young - I think maybe 13 is when he said he remembers regularly doing some form of regular physical activity other than just the playing that a kid does. Ever since I've known him, he's made a point to work out about every other day. He'll run, lift weights, etc. We have a treadmill and a whole slew of weight lifting equipment in our basement, as well as two different kinds of punching bags. He kick-boxed for a while in college. He also completed the P90X stuff a co...

I am officially finished with student teaching. I am so excited, it is unbelievable! I had the most incredible experience. While I don't think it would be appropriate to say too much on a blog about my specific experiences, I can tell you that I had the most wonderful group of 23 kids to join me in my journey this past semester. I was in a 4th grade classroom and I was nervous about it at first, but I ended up just loving it! I'm not sure now whether I love Kindergarten or 4th grade better! I have also been given the opportunity to do a long term substitute position in a 5th grade classroom at my school. A teacher is going on maternity leave for 12 weeks and I will get to sub in her class for the duration of her leave. I am really excited about this as well! Not only will it be a great experience for me before I start my first year of actually teaching in my own classroom, but it will be so fun to get to know another group of students! Not to mention, the paycheck will be a wo...

I think it's strange how certain songs can really affect your mood. Music has always been really important to me. For as long as I can remember, it has resonated with my life. I've always been able to describe how I'm feeling using a song, a melody or a lyric. I have loved to find that perfect mixture of songs that would speak more clearly than I could about how a certain experience or moment or time period felt to me. It started with mix tapes, then cds, now it's playlists. No matter what the format, music just affects me. Especially now, for some reason. I think it's because I'm at the precipice of a major turning point in my life. I am 4 weeks away from becoming a certified teacher. Although as a teacher, you sign up to be a lifelong learner, the foundation of my education will be complete. I will be a real grown-up - complete with husband, baby, mortgage & now student loans. I'm not going to apologize again for slowing down my blogging over this tim...

Camera Flash! I sometimes wonder if everyone questions themselves as much as I question myself. There are lots of things about me that I find myself wondering if it's just me or if everyone is like that, but questioning myself is a big one. I question everything. Almost every conversation I have will be played out in my head over & over for the next few days. It's a constant ongoing process of wondering if I said the right thing, did the right thing, have planned the right thing, etc. Is this working? Am I happy? Am I doing what is best? Did I just stick my foot in my mouth again? It's unbelievable. There are pros and cons to this for me. On the one hand, as someone who places my life & faith in Jesus, you would wonder why I would question so much. Is it worry? Am I showing a lack of faith? These questions alone can creep up on a regular basis & keep me constantly investigating the state of my heart & mind.  On the other hand, it's a form of accountabi...

I just absolutely cracked up!!! This is hilarious!!! Moms really can be crazy! Although, I have to say, I did some of the things the crazy pink lady was talking about, but I definitely don't think that what I'm doing works for everyone. It's not a competition. That's one of the biggest things I've learned since becoming a mom. We are all SO different. Every mom is different. Every baby is different. What works for me can be recipe for disaster for another mom & baby! I don't understand why we can't just let each other do what we do. We are all just doing the best we can to raise healthy, happy kids! In the beginning, I felt such opposition to what I was doing because I guess some of it was different. I'm not really sure, but I found myself needing to defend my decisions. You can probably see some of that in my earlier posts. But now, I'm just doing what I can. I've learned what works with Isis & with our family & that's really a...

Life is moving so fast. 10 days ago, Isis couldn't pick up a small piece of food & get it into her mouth. She could pick it up, but then she'd drop it continuously in the process to try to get it close to her mouth. She also couldn't fully pull herself up to standing. She was still getting used to crawling.  10 days ago, I was fairly confident in myself as a teacher. I was still in the beginning of my student teaching experience. I wasn't quite to the point of looking for jobs, but I was excited about the possibility. Now here we are & Isis started putting food in her mouth one day like it was no big deal - like it had never been a struggle. She pulled herself to standing & now will cruise between the ottoman & the couch. She can crawl across the room quicker than I thought possible. 10 days!! I am still fairly confident in myself as a teacher, although I went to a seminar where I saw an absolutely fabulous teacher & I was pretty much completely ...

Isis is excited to have new baby friends! There are 5 pregnant ladies in my life right now! And one possibly soon-to-be pregnant one! It is crazy!! That doesn't even include my lovely blog friend Amy , who is also due soon! I absolutely loved being pregnant & while I know that not everyone feels the same - the experience can be so different for all of us - I still think it's just a wonderful thing when I find out friends are expecting! Isis will be so lucky to have more little friends in the world!  I shared my new mom tips last week & then I have 5 blog friends help me out by sharing their new mom tips ! I hope that some of you who are or will soon be new moms found some things helpful! Adriel at The Mommyhood Memos is starting her Moms Who Work series this week! I think it'll be really helpful for any of you who are or will be working moms! I've been staying home the last 8 months, but now am a working mom. It is really hard, but has also been so wonderful...

(Me & Kristen on the far right) My friend Kristen graduated from the College of Education with me in May! Although she's actually completed her student teaching & I'm just starting mine! Either way, she shared some of her recent thoughts with me on motherhood & the future & I thought it was interesting to hear her perspective! I decided to share some of her writing as a guest post on my blog! She's also writing for a local website ! Check out some more of her stuff & maybe share your thoughts on her perspective below! Now that I have graduated from college and been hurled into the real world, all of the social pressures I have successfully avoided for four years are looking me right in the eye. It seems like every other day I hear about someone becoming engaged or pregnant. At this rate, in a matter of weeks I will be the only single girl left. The mere thought of getting married and starting a family is terrifying. That probably has a lot to do with ...