Pictures taken by Sara Corman Photography
It’s difficult to start this story as it’s so different than
I remembered from the first time. First,
I must admit that though I had spent many hours in research, watched dozens of
births on YouTube and had lots of classroom hours before Isis’s birth, I was
not prepared to be a father before her.
My story of those events were completely colored with my overwhelming
anxiety about what to do afterwards.
Fast forward almost 3 years, lots of lessons, many difficult nights and
conversations later. I was ready for
this one, especially when it comes to my mental state. I know that the woman has the baby. I know that the woman carries the baby. Still, there’s definitely a role for the man
in pregnancy and labor. In fact, if he
doesn’t prepare, all of it will rush up on him and destroy everything he knows
about the world (more so if it is his first child).
“She’s going to be born early.” Yeah….I’ve heard this before only to anticipate
arrival for several weeks. Cameron’s
body showed all signs of imminent labor except well…labor. As it turns out she held out long enough for
us to be able to schedule a natural induction.
Thanks to a little God help, I was able to fall asleep about 8:45 the
night before our 5 am hospital appointment.
3:45 AM, YAY…Yawn, I’m up. It’s
very hard to find coffee that time of night, so I settled for some so so coffee
at the hospital around 5:30 am. Then we
waited.
8:30 arrived and Melissa came in to break Cam’s water. I know what this is like because I had seen
it before. The procedure itself didn’t
make me nervous, it’s what might or might not happen afterwards that did. No active labor within 2 hours or so would
mean Pitocin and that’s generally not a good thing if your goal is a natural
labor. I did my best to keep the mood
light and there was always the cheering from Diana after each contraction. It’s funny to me how when you are going
natural, you get excited about watching the contractions get regular and
closer. Around 10:30 contractions became more regular, nothing super strong yet
but enough to be timed. Sara Corman was
also in the room with us. She was
invaluable when Diana had to leave for a bit.
The deeper you get into this process the more a distraction helps keep
you mentally refreshed. Sara was great
at encouragement and conversation. After
a couple of hours and several times walking the square of hospital halls,
contractions were sometimes coming 1.5 minutes apart. We noticed that when she sat to rest, we
could add about 60 seconds in between contractions. This helped as I was able to give Cam a good
idea of how long she had to rest and when to prepare. We made sessions of walking mixed with
sitting to give a little rest.
Melissa came to check on everything about 12. I had been timing all the contractions and I
gave her an update. She said that things
should really get solid within an hour.
1 pm and just as advised, things were getting heavier. I helped fill up the tub in the room and then
helped Cam get in. These tubs must be
awesome because it always slows labor down.
Suddenly there was 3-4 minute breaks between each contraction unlike the
2-3 min max we had for about the last hour.
These moments were always a little worrisome for me as I remembered just
how long it took for Isis to be born.
Having a baby is hard but it’s definitely harder if you have to be up
the entire day AND night before hand. I
pushed the thought out of my head and got back into coaching Cam through each
contraction. I could tell she had the
same fears as it wasn’t long before she noticed the longer rest times
between. Minutes later she was out and
we were back in the hall.
Labor progresses in physical demands but also increases in
mental demands as the baby gets closer.
You can’t tackle one without preparing for the other. It was after 2 and each contraction was a
stop and endure event at this point.
Cameron does this thing where you can see her internalize her struggle
as the pain gets worse. I gauge how bad
it is based on how long it takes for me to see her normal personality come back
to her face. Sometimes I had to
encourage the “normal” Cameron to come back. Once I can’t get her to return to
normal, I know a baby is close. For an
hour we were in and out of the room.
This is the point that I want to give all men out there a tip when
supporting a labor; ask what you can do to help, try it if requested, but don’t
let it hurt your feelings if the action is suddenly met with abrupt
displeasure. It’s not personal, it’s
just that some things seem helpful only to seemingly be the worst idea
ever. Don’t give up! Stay in the game.
3 p.m. I decide to
text Diana and tell her that things are getting closer. She says she is on her way. As I’m timing the contractions I tell Cam
that she has 45 seconds to rest only for her to have another immediately. This happened occasionally. We called them “aftershocks”. Thing was, this wasn’t that. The next 45 second rest didn’t come either,
and neither did the next. A few passed
and I knew we had passed the barrier of pain maintenance. This is the point at which I have to realize
what’s happening and get prepared to watch the person I’m in love with battle
to maintain their sanity. Again and
again I watched as she took the pain and buried her face in the bed as she leaned
on it. Another text to Diana, “Help, she’s
breaking”. Cam crawled up on the bed and
asked to be checked. I held my breath as
she had a contraction and then the nurse checked. “You’re a full 7”. My heart sank. Another couple of hours I guess. I need to really step up.
Each contraction was hitting hard now and
there were only brief moments of conversation.
“I want Melissa!” Cam said. Things began to move fast and I began to get
swept up in it all. No matter how many
times I thought it through nothing ever prepares me for watching this
pain. To stand and endure watching the
tidal wave you cannot stop. Each cry
brought me closer to tears. As if on
queue, Diana rushes in to Cameron’s side quickly to embrace her. Next comes Melissa who talks with Cam and
gets her to flip to her hands and knees.
In the midst of fans and cold wash cloths I stood there wondering how
long this could continue. When you try
not to cry, why is it that’s when it becomes impossible?
Looking to Melissa for comfort I watch her
check Cam and show evidence of blood. Realize
that just 15 minutes ago she was 7 cm. “This baby is coming out!” screamed
Cameron. Half frozen I looked down to
realize she was right. A cart had been wheeled
in and there were suddenly several extra people in the room. My skin went cold and I realized that this
was really happening now. Cameron had
gone primal and each push was a full body scream and growl. It’s amazing how you can actually see the baby
descending through the birth canal. Then
she crowned and I saw hair. “You were
right, she has tons of hair!” I said knowing that Cam had terrible heartburn
the entire pregnancy. “Is Lewis going to
catch her!” Cam asked. I pulled my mind
back into reality and a nurse put gloves on my hands. Her head came out. “There’s her head!” She was a little stuck
due to her hand being by her face but because Cam was on hands and knees it was
a quick fix. A couple intense pushes
later and out she came into my hands.
Then I wept. I tried to stop but
it burst out of me uncontrollably.
As I
handed her through Cam’s legs I hadn’t noticed that Lux had a bowel movement all
over my arms as I held her. These are
the moments you remember. Looking into
Cameron’s eyes and those beautiful eyes of my daughter God swept up my heart
and I had to look away. I saw a passerby out the window in the parking lot and
something inside me hoped that they would feel what I was feeling in that
moment. “How does she do it?” “Cameron, you beast, you did it again.”
I feel like most people stop thinking about
the labor here but there’s still the placenta and first feeding. After the entire ordeal, this part always seems
annoying. Couldn’t God just let it go at
this point? As Lux fed and laid on
Cameron’s chest for the next hour I realized how much I loved being a dad and
how much God has destined for me to have daughters. I kissed Cameron gently on the cheek watching
her lay there finally in relief. Then I
realized for the second time why God orchestrated everything exactly how He
does. We don’t know each other until we
see each other pushed to the limit. We can’t love each other until we see
sacrifice and sacrifice ourselves. Wrap
up this labor and it’s exactly what it was, another reason for me to love my
God, love my wife and sacrifice for my children.
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