Dear Period.

THIS POST IS NOT FOR MEN.

If you are catching this link on Facebook & you are my dad, Lewis' dad, my brother, my cousins or any other male in my life, don't continue reading. Consider yourself fully warned.

Dear Period,

The last time you came around for real was April 2009. I can't say that I've missed you. Not really. Yes, I had to go through pregnancy and childbirth in exchange for sending you away, but I think it was immensely worth it. 

Then I started breastfeeding and you decided to continue your vacation and I got another 10 months without even a minor glimpse of you. It was really heavenly! But again, I endured some breastfeeding struggles, including Mastitis, in exchange for your hiatus, but I still believe it was overall more than worth it.

I was taking progesterone only birth control and so after I stopped breastfeeding, you didn't seem to be able to decide if you wanted to come back for good or not. You'd creep up just barely for about 3 or 4 days every other week. Now, miss Period, that's just plain teasing. Not really coming back, but not really ever going away. Teasing like that is just not fun and honestly, at this point, it's a little slutty. And nobody wants to be the trashy girl on the block.

So here's what I propose: now that I'm back on my dual-hormone birth control pills, would you please just come back like normal & you're welcome to visit every 28-32 days. But don't stay for longer than a week like last month & then peek back in less than 20 days later. The doctor says you're just regulating, but in my opinion, you're just being annoying. Make up your mind so that we can continue our cycle of love/hate. Love when you're regular, hate when you're a little hoochie who peeks in for a few days every couple of weeks, but won't offer me any sort of commitment.

I will send you away again when I can in exchange for more pregnancy, childbirth & breastfeeding, but as for now, we've got to come to some sort of an understanding. It's been 22 months & things need to get back to  normal. I'm ready if you are!

Sincerely,

Cameron