Great Day! Horrible Night.

Yesterday was the first day since Isis was born that I didn't cry at all! I was so relieved! Maybe the hormone changes really aren't permanent! haha I feel like nothing will ever be the same again - not with the baby, I mean obviously that changed everything - but with MY emotions. But I went to bed last night so relieved because Isis had eaten really good all day & she had slept well during naps and everything had gone fairly smooth! It was a great day!

Well, then came the night. Our nights have been great the past couple of days - I mean, all things considered. She had gotten up to feed about 3 times in the middle of the night each night, but had done pretty good at going back to sleep. She hadn't cried much if at all, just made her "I'm hungry" noises to let us know she wanted to eat! Well, last night, she ate around 7pm and we ended up waking her up at 10:30pm to eat. We couldn't get her to go to sleep until around midnight. We put her in the cradle, but she just got kinda fussy and wouldn't sleep. She finally fell asleep and woke up at 2am to eat. She ate for 20 minutes - which is really long compared to what she's been eating! She's been eating just maybe 10 minutes total every time she eats. I was worried about it, but she poops and pees all the time and she's already gained back her birth weight! So the lactation consultant at CBH said that she was fine and that some babies just get more in less time or don't need as much.

So after the 2am feeding, we couldn't get her to go back to sleep. She would kinda doze off for about 10 minutes or so and then get really fussy and end up screaming. She did this over & over. We checked her diapers, we tried to feed her again, we tried to let her just cry it out and nothing worked. She ended up eating for 10 minutes at 4:30am and then for 7 minutes at 6am. By 7am, I was a complete wreck. She hadn't really slept at all since 2am. Lewis finally took her downstairs to just let her cry for a little while because we didn't want the neighbors in the townhouse next door to get mad. When Lewis took her downstairs, I just lost it. I started weeping for at least 10 minutes straight. I think she had gas because I had eaten broccoli for dinner and she didn't really poop for the whole time she was awake like that. I felt like it was my fault and that I couldn't give her what she needed. We didn't have any Mylicon and I had tried everything to help her with the gas.

After I gathered myself, I went downstairs and took her from Lewis and just rocked her in my lap until she fell asleep. Then we carefully took her back upstairs and put her in the cradle. She slept until 9am and then ate. She stayed up for a little while after that, but then fell asleep around 10 or 10:15. Lewis and I went back to sleep until noon. It feels different to wake up and deal with things when it's daylight outside. Something about nighttime makes me feel isolated and much more easily upset.

I know this is just a stage and that both us as parents and her as a new baby are learning what she needs and how we need to do everything. But last night was hard. I expect many more hard nights, but does anyone have advice?? I started questioning whether I should have woken her up at 10:30pm to eat or just let her sleep and go to sleep myself until she woke up on her own. Then I obviously feel like I shouldn't have eaten broccoli because I had read that it bothered babies and I just didn't think about it. Someone brought us a wonderful dinner and I ate it without thinking about breastfeeding. I guess I need to be more careful and aware.

On top of that, the snow outside makes me sad and I feel like I'm trapped in my house. I haven't left at all since coming home with her on Monday. I was going to go to Target with Diana today around 11, but obviously I couldn't handle it after the night we had. I'm just still getting used to everything.

I like this blog because I feel like I can have an outlet. I feel better after I get it out. Sorry if my posts are too long.